Well, hi (again). I’ve started countless personal projects in my head over the last year or so, but thanks to apathy, excuses, and the fear of failure (among everything else there is to be afraid of these days), they’ve all just been collecting dust in the corners. This, as you can imagine, is really only helpful – adding more crap to get caught up and tangled in as I navigate my everyday life and continue to work as a writer in my day job, too…
So, here I am once more – wishing to claim that this will be “a regular thing,” but also forgiving enough to know that sometimes, life happens. Priorities shift, interests waiver, and life continues trudging forward, stopping for no one (except for football? Idk, don’t get it. Doesn’t seem fair). And so, all I can really say, is that once again, I am trying to be more intentional with my personal writing projects. Considering it’s been nearly 2.5 years since I received my master’s degree and have literally not written a single personal essay since, I figured now is as good a time as any to hop back on that wagon and slowly start chipping away at all the fragments of unstarted work clouding my closet space.
But, first, some updates. Though not as bad as the interim of time I have not written an essay, it’s still been a hot minute since I wrote a blog, too. And like so much else in life, it will never cease to blow my mind the way things can look so drastically different from one year to the next. So, for anyone curious, wondering, or simply interested to know what I’ve been up to the last 10ish or so months, here are some of the highlights and notable thoughts/realizations/musings I’ve had along the way.
life & other thoughts
new(ish) job, who DIS??
I started working for a marketing agency (one that values their employees just as much as they value their relationships with clients). Who are these clients you may ask? Well – and here’s where it gets fun – we cater to various home service providers, but our primary market is chimney service companies. So, what this means for me is that I spend my days elbows deep in research about fireplaces, the importance of annual chimney inspections and cleanings, and why you can never really go wrong with some nice gas logs. For the first time, I’m learning what it feels like to not have any workplace drama and how it looks to actually enjoy your job. A concept I can certainly get used to.
the holiest of matrimonies & the (2nd) happiest day of my life.
I got MARRIED?! It’s funny: you’d think after planning and preparing for like a full year that it wouldn’t feel so hard to believe, but sometimes it all feels like a dream. Somehow, despite the fact that I was unemployed for the first few months of 2023 and frequently lost in a paralyzing space of overwhelm and confusion, I still managed to help my mom (cus let’s be honest, she was the wedding planning powerhouse, not me…) organize the most beautiful and illustrative celebration of Manuel and my love story. Every detail was to pristine perfection and while I find it more than a bit unsettling and, in fact, quite cringe that I’m now a “Mrs.,” I couldn’t be happier that I get to spend the rest of forever – officially now – with my best friend and favorite person in the entire universe. So, that’s definitely cool. (And for those stuck on my choice of ranking, it’s only the 2nd happiest day because most of it I spent a bit nauseous and utterly terrified that my ugly sobbing would ruin every single photo. The 1st happiest day: the one when Manuel got down on one knee in my favorite spot on earth and asked me to be his forever. Also, spoiler alert: no photos were ruined by the onset of inconsolable tears.)
fitness goals to fitness…gains?
I finally (only took 2 years) started noticing the results of working out. My body is feeling stronger and slowly but surely, I’m noticing places tightening and shifting, bringing the promise of a confidence boost alongside it. OrangeTheory has given me the self-assuredness to experiment in the normal gym, too. Where once I walked in and nearly panicked, now I regularly go and actually use the machines?? (Literally who am I). Also, as of the beginning of this year, not only did we increase our workout threshold to 4 days of doing something active, but we started using a meal service, too. At the risk of sounding like every YouTuber and influencer alive right now, Factor really has made a palpable difference in both how I feel and time saved planning, cooking, and cleaning. (But seriously, we always have like, free boxes to share with every new delivery we get each week. Hit me up if you’re interested.)
capitalism is humorous & somehow we’ve all just succumbed to its deathly grasp.
Ok, please forgive my drama and exaggeration (absolutely steeped in inexperience and naïvety, I’m sure), but honestly. How have we been thinking and inventing and innovating and experimenting and researching and generally “life”ing for literally thousands of years and this is the best we could come up with? Arbitrarily agreed upon “workdays” versus “weekends” where the former significantly outnumbers the latter? All so we can afford to…live? I’ve been avoiding my inside (and most authentically “me”) writing self for quite some time now and I think part of it might be because I’m afraid of how cynical and philosophical I’ve become and while I usually feel on the outside of what everyone else already knows, this piece feels like there is just a lot to uncover. So, I do what I do best: avoid it…
no one actually knows anything. like, at all.
Many (if not most) people realize this significantly earlier than I have, but it is increasingly unnerving to me that literally no one knows wtf they’re doing. Whether it is my personality and follower-like tendencies, or just an inherent respect for “grown ups,” and those older than me, it still does not compute that age is not, in fact, equal to infinite knowledge. Not one single human being on this planet knows a damn thing about what it is we’re doing here, or even how to do it well. Not parenting, not forging a sustainable career, not finding a fool-proof way to make life both bearable and fulfilling…no matter if you’re 12 or 112, we’re all just out here trying to make the best decisions each and every moment each and every day. The jury is still out on how exactly I feel about this discovery.
if only there were just 5…
As an incredibly verbose person (and one who loves flowery language and all the adjectives and adverbs in the world), I could go on. But, I’ll pause here for now. Perhaps I’ll be back with a second post featuring five more findings/thoughts/highlights – and not 10 months from now – but, who knows.
For now, I’m continuously working to find that space between daily presence and gratitude for the here and now, and actively making strides toward longer term goals. As to what’s currently taking up the most space in my mind? The self-inflicted, nagging pressure to document my existence through words. Which leads us back to the beginning – re-establishing some semblance of essay-writing. Here goes nothing!
